Who This Book Is For

This book is for anyone stuck in a loop they can't seem to break. Maybe it's a substance. Maybe it's a habit, a feeling, or a way of living you swore you'd leave behind. I'm not here to lecture you. I've been there, for most of my life. I did not have an easy life, to say the least. What pulled me out was not one big moment. It was small actions done every day, a body taken care of with real water and real rest, a spirit I finally started listening to, and a brain I learned I could rewire one repetition at a time. A question you might be asking yourself. Is this something that can help me? Do I even need it? Nothing else seems to work. What makes this different? That is a good question to ask. I had the same question. Why does the same damn tape play on repeat? Can I get a break? What am I doing wrong? It seemed like something was against me. Nobody understood how I felt, which made me isolate deep into my own pity. And honestly, I still feel bad for that version of myself. It was rough. I am sorry that it happened. The compassion I had for myself felt good. It created a spark. Me being the addict I was, I was conditioned to always be on alert, waiting for the next painful event. Terrified to be alone again. It always felt like the only thing I could do to numb that pain in my solar plexus was use substances. The relief was always brief, and always came with a sacrifice. I was caught in a perpetual loop of fear, afraid that I'd lose it all again. Unable to focus, constantly concerned with the people around me. Wondering if they even liked me. I didn't like me. I was constantly trying to be someone else. Someone you would like. Then you wouldn't leave me. I never felt good enough. Out of pride I would sabotage everything. The very thing or person I was afraid to lose, I pushed away, so that I could at least be the one that did it.

Eventually all I cared about was not feeling that way. I faced severe consequences. Lost everything more than once. But the fear of the consequences never outweighed the pain in my chest. For years and years I lived this way. My coping mechanisms became my identity. It was what I was known for, and I knew that. Digging the hole ever deeper, feeling like I would never get out. I've spent over 13 years in prison across multiple bids. I missed a lot of years with my children when being there for them was actually really important, and the decisions of my addiction tore me down. I knew that was true to an extent, but it didn't really settle in at that point. The night before my last arrest in 2018, I had a night with my youngest son. After we walked home from Family Dollar, I told him that I would never leave him again. The very next day I was arrested in Pennsylvania. In that mug shot you can see it in my eyes. I was defeated.

I could not live like this another day. The whole process was 2 years in county followed by 3 years of drug court.

I was sober through drug court, and I learned about routine. I noticed that the routine of drug court was good for me, and so was the routine through all my years of incarceration. I had to admit there is something useful about a routine. Your brain gets wired by what you repeat. While in prison and on drug court I read my fair share of books. I have a keen mind and strong intuition. I use those gifts to understand the nature of reality and what spirituality really means. I've read many books and studied many different perspectives of what's going on around us. I also have a lifelong experience of addiction and dealing with trauma. Awareness is key. I finally truly understood, from my studies and from living the routine of incarceration, how the body keeps the score for trauma. How in my addiction I created more trauma. And how those events molded how I moved.

Rebuilding my life during drug court, I had a good job and made good money. I started to talk to my kids and buy them things. When I graduated in 2023, I wanted to come home. I packed up my fiancé and her son and we moved back to San Antonio, TX. It cost every penny we had to come here. I was desperate to reconcile with my boys. As soon as I touched down, I felt that pressure again. I convinced myself of whatever I needed to, that I'd control it. Whatever lie I had to tell myself. Just numb the pain. Little did I know this was just the start. I saw my sons for the first time in over 9 years. They did not see me as their dad. They were respectful and they talked to me, but it was obvious. I missed it, and there was no welcome home. I relapsed hard. I knew I had a lot of work to do. So I went on a relentless quest to heal my trauma, create a strict routine I'd follow, and completely sever any ties to my old life and habits. I believed it was possible to heal my trauma and decondition the conditioning my addiction brought me. Once I engulfed myself with awareness, it seemed the universe continued to guide me. I felt like I was awakening to what my passion was. Today, I'm a psychology student, a coach, and a husband, running Hooked on Growth. I rebuilt my life from the ground up using the exact daily actions in this book. Everything in these pages comes from what actually worked when nothing else did. That is who this book is for. If you can see yourself anywhere in my story, you are in the right place. The next seven days are the same kind of routine that saved me: simple actions, done daily, until your body, your mind, and your spirit start to follow.

Here's what I found out about trauma. The substances, the addiction, are just a coping mechanism. The true reason we use is the pain, the discomfort, the boredom, and the conditioning. Those are the things we must focus on. Don't worry about what everybody has been telling you about addiction. Don't worry about if you relapse. If you do, it's all data that you need to decode. What happened right before? What were you feeling? What were you avoiding? Write it down and learn from it. The whole point is this: heal the trauma. Recondition your brain through actions. Follow through. Become the person you can be proud of. Stand on that platform of all the good experiences you are creating through the actions. From there, you can find what you're passionate about. Work in your passion. Find your purpose. Live your life. Be free.